Green Valley Debauchery XXX Rated

I desperately need your help. I’m receiving emails from women who want to provide enjoyment to an older man in his reclining chair years. Let me show you some fine examples.

Email 1:

When I found out that you live in my neighborhood, I got really excited. I didn’t think anybody here was looking for a sex buddy. Just look at my secret pictures and let me know when you want to hookup.

Mary

Email 2:

I recently viewed your profile and I was very impressed. I’ve been patiently waiting for you to send me a message but I have decided to make the first move. In the bedroom together, I think we could have an amazing time. While I love being on #$&, getting on all *&$#@ is very close second. I am twenty two and my name is Louise. You might think I am too young but just look at my %+$# pics. Http://&*$#@%#-+&$#&$69.com by the way they are real, and of course I will let you =&/(;$#%@ all over them. The fact that you only live a few streets away means that we can easily &$#+, so once you get real $#@%#%, message me back and I will send my number.

We lived in Laingsburg, MI for over 40 years. During that time, only one porn letter came to our house. The letter detailed spewing hot lava like an erupting volcano. We passed the letter around to all our neighbors and friends. It was received with joy and astonishment. Nowadays I get these types of letters at least weekly.

After looking at the two letters, I’m thinking these women are being held against their will. First of all, what hooker is named Mary? That’s just unheard of. Bambi, Fawn or Ferrari maybe, but Mary, like the mother of Jesus, never.

We live in an age-restricted community. You have to be 55 to live here. No kids allowed. How can a twenty-two-year-old be living just blocks away? That shit doesn’t fly in the town of Green Valley. No siree. The only logical answer is, these ladies are being held against their will and forced to eat dinner at four o’clock during the early bird specials. In time, they soon will be wearing winter coats when it’s 50 degrees and will know the day of the week by garbage and recycling days.

News bulletin,

Sorry to interrupt this blog, but I just returned from a Friday Walmart shopping

adventure to buy dirt and manure. A true gardening foray into the Twilight Zone. I was looking for some dirt and manure (I always can use more shit) and spied an empty shopping cart. Seeing the cart, I decided to get the bigger bags and plopped them in my shopping cart. As I was leaving the dirt section of Walmart, lo and bold I heard a lady yelling at the welcome to Walmart senior citizen greeter.

She was screaming, “Somebody stole my $&#@#$- shopping cart!“

I’m thinking I could be the guilty party. Good lord the way this old lady was raving on to Mr. Welcome to Walmart guy. My thoughts turned to the end of the world. In fact, Mr. W. To W. forgot to say welcome to customers coming in.

“What the hell is wrong with you!” rants the satanic women to poor W. to W. guy.

“There should be more carts available at the gardening center. This is #$&$3#@ -+-$&#@.”

At this point, I confront the two of them and confess my sinning ways.

I said, “I took your cart but let me take my manure and dirt bags out of here and give your cart back to you. I’ll fetch another.”

At this juncture, she storms out and W. to W. guy says to me,” Don’t worry about it. Just another great day at Walmart’s.”

Boy, scratch the job of a Walmart greeter off my bucket list. I thought later maybe the old cranky lady didn’t want to deal with my manure.

Back to my story.

One young lady mentions that she’s impressed by my profile. A good day for this senior citizen is when my pants aren’t full of doodoo. That I have found can be a big turn on for the ladies. Another turn on could be my love for early to bed and early to rise, or possibly the early bird restaurant specials. Hanging out with the elderly can be such a turn on. Whatever, these women are intrigued by my hot profile and I have to admit the girls photograph well.

Something must be done and I shall lead my posse to get these fine young ladies out of confinement!

I must choose my posse wisely. I need dedicated people that want to not only protect the integrity of Green Valley but also protect the integrity of these women being held against their will. They are being forced to tell old white men they are still desirable to the ladies. I have three candidates in mind:

1. Headed by ex-deputy sheriff Roger Z, 76 years old. True he has macular degeneration and is legally blind, but his law experience could be helpful in our door to door search. Also, he is a big fan of midget mud wrestling.

2. Bernie Malin, 91 years young, will be a crucial part of the team. He is a gourmet cook and an ex WW2 veteran. As any old western movie fan knows a cook is essential for forays into desert communities. His code word for sex is pancakes.

3. Last but not least Dick R, 94 years old and Irish. Recruiting Dick is necessary when nearing St. Patrick day, to supply refreshments when on the dusty trail. His WW2 experience in the Navy may help us in the event the search takes into the large ponds of various golf courses.

Please pray for our success in freeing these voluptuous captives. Sleep safe elderly of Green Valley! Help is on the way. We shall weed out the oldsters who are hoarding these young women and set these ladies free to work at fast-food restaurants, factories and even at truck stops in the parking lots. They will be free to choose whatever they’d like to do except of course being president of the United States. The job of POTUS is for old white men only.

Be kind people, or at least be nice! This especially is a shout out to shopping cart lady.